someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
