Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
