He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
