the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
