The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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