Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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