finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
