I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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