i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
