You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
