you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
