I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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