so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
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its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
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I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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