you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
