If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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