was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
