I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
