What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
