Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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