i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
