I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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