Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
