Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
