she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
