last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
