Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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