Someone shit on the floor
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
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Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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