Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
