She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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