My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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