I met the friendliest cop last night
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
