dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he shaved USA in his pubs
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
