Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
