Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
