Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
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you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
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I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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