I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
