I think my vagina is haunted
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
