I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
