Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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