I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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