I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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