My Higher Power is John Stamos
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
