Your dad touched me again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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