I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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