it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
