I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
