there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
