Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
