just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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