She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
