This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
