I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
