i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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