i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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