Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
