Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
