He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
