I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had me at cake vodka
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize