I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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