Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
