i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
