If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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