i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
