i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
