Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
