hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize