if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
