You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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