Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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