his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I still have a little drunk in my system
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
