I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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