You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
