she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
