i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
