my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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