I'm going to jail i love you
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we're making bets on your personal life
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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