Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
