please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
