Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
