I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
