You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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