I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
